


It Means Nothing To Him

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Series: Things Unspoken [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bottom Hux, Force Choking, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Light BDSM, M/M, No Aftercare, Power Bottom Hux, Relationship Discussions, Ren doesn't know what that is, Resolution, Rough Sex, Subspace, Top Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:16:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5753389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The supposedly mutually beneficial arrangement between himself and Hux becomes more and more complicated as time goes by, although Kylo doesn't think of backing away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much a direct continuation of [All That Matters](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5730394), only from Kylo's POV although... well, I think it's... shit. I wanted to give up and bin the whole thing, but I was left such wonderful comments on my first Kylux fic (and I was so overwhelmed by them) that I thought I owed it to you guys to share this, even if it's not going to win any awards.
> 
> Thanks to itsakylo for nudging me in this direction. All the comments from everyone else kinda kept me going, and this... well, this is the very messy, incredibly trashy result. (It's also 9.30am and I haven't slept in about 24 hours soooo... expect errors).
> 
> I'm so posting this at the wrong time. This is like... the graveyard shift at the graveyard. I wholeheartedly thank anyone who comes across this later on, you're a gem for clicking <3
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!

Hux was always so calm and emotionless. Whenever Kylo thought about the General, it infuriated him. Nothing bothered the other man. There almost seemed to be nothing there - no thoughts, no feeling, behind that never-changing almost sour expression. Oh, Hux could convey contempt, cold fury, disinterest and snide malice, but Kylo never sensed anything else within the man, and doubted his ability to actually feel anything at all. He was blank; empty and uninteresting. There was no point wasting time trying to understand a human being so completely devoid of anything even remotely stirring. You could replace him with a droid and find more emotion, Kylo thought, but part of what made Hux so intimidating to those around him was the fact that he was supposed to be human, yet possessed none of the qualities inherent in the species, save their malice - and even then Kylo wasn’t sure he possessed that. Hux simply put things in order, and if that involved the destruction of other beings, then so be it. Kylo also did what had to be done, but at least he felt something while doing it. He could use the emotions and feed off of them, making himself stronger. Hux had no such capability. He was as bland and characterless as the stiff, starched uniform he wore.

So when an altercation about Kylo’s destruction of First Order property ended in sex, Kylo was taken aback. He hadn’t known that the general was capable of actually feeling pleasure or desire, but when his temper had flared and he’d slammed the slighter man against the wall, Kylo had almost fallen back in surprise when he sensed Hux’s arousal. It was the last thing he'd expected.

As he held Hux there, powerless, and slowly crowded even closer it became painfully clear exactly what the general wanted. No words were spoken, but the way Hux reacted beneath the restraint said it all. Delighting in what felt like a victory, Kylo saw no reason not to give it to him, and began manipulating their bodies and clothing, safe in the understanding that Hux wasn’t about to change his mind. He seemed oddly quiescent, almost relieved, and gave broken, obscene gasps and moans as Kylo roughly fucked him, barely able to believe that Hux of all people could feel pleasure. Unsurprisingly, Hux clearly wasn’t accustomed to physical intimacy of any kind, and he was almost painfully tight. He didn’t seem to care, though, so Kylo didn’t either. If he had a better sense of self-preservation he might have considered making the encounter less painful for Hux, but all that occurred to him in those few minutes was making the most of the small victory he had won. Besides, Hux clearly got off on it.

When he finished, spilling his load as deep in the general’s body as he could, Kylo pulled away not just physically but also with the Force. Hux almost crumpled to the ground, seeming as well-fucked as a common whore might feign to be. His uniform was disturbed, his hair falling out of place as he stumbled and grasped at the wall for support, his breathing far more ragged than Kylo’s. The overall countenance was odd and almost obscene, but Kylo quickly decided he was becoming bored with the encounter. Whatever had just happened was clearly over, and he had no desire to see the general return to the insufferably emotionless droid he would always be. He left before that could happen, stalking his way back to his quarters and deciding that it would be in his best interests to never mention what had just happened to anyone.

But damn, if it didn’t happen again. In the following few days Kylo had made a point of avoiding Hux (not that he’d actively sought his company before), as he felt the frustration and confusion the other man tried to hide and was sure no good would come of the uncharacteristic turmoil, but Hux seemed to calm down eventually, and then some two weeks or so later he placed himself right next to Kylo on the bridge and extended what was clearly an offer to repeat their previous encounter. Kylo had half expected it, as it was clear that Hux’s attention all throughout that morning had been on him the entire time they’d been in the same room, rather than on his job, and as he turned and walked away, Kylo wondered why he hadn’t left earlier when he’d noticed the general’s distracted mood, rather obvious lingering glances and the low thrum of arousal surrounding him like static. Probably because, as alien as the idea might be, the thought of having Hux at his mercy appealed to Kylo. It was somewhat amusing, and for a long time after the invitation had been given, Kylo thought about turning it down simply because he could.

He didn’t, though. Perhaps, more than anything else, it was the memory of how good Hux had felt beneath him that made Kylo give in and make the trip to Hux’s quarters, but he also couldn’t deny the allure of no-strings-attached sex. Hux clearly had no intention of changing their working relationship, and that suited Kylo right down to the ground. Given the chance to do so, he was also determined to push the general just as far this time, if not further, and as soon as he entered Hux’s quarters it took him the whole of three seconds to firmly push the boundaries. Hux clearly had somewhere else in mind for what was about to happen, but Kylo didn’t see the point in traipsing across the _Finalizer_ to who knew where when they were already somewhere so convenient. He didn’t give Hux the chance to vocalise his protests, but clearly felt them. Kylo also felt the precise moment the general gave in, deciding that fucking was infinitely preferable to arguing.

Kylo wholeheartedly agreed with that sentiment.

-

Hux made the most incredible sounds during sex. He genuinely didn’t seem to be able to control them - or the way he reacted to Kylo’s touch, for that matter - and Kylo wasn’t inclined to smother his mouth and stop them. He wondered if Hux knew just how he sounded, and delighted in pushing Hux just that little bit further each time - fucking him harder, tightening the Force-grip on his wrists, pushing him into a more demanding position - to hear the gasps and cries increase in frequency and volume. No, the general didn’t moan like a whore, but the helpless noises that spilled from his lips were somehow more perverse. They were unexpected from someone always so in control, but Kylo quickly came to realise that the only thing Hux cared about when they fucked was relinquishing control completely. Not once did he sense hesitation from the other man - Hux seemed more than happy to give whatever Kylo wanted to take, making no attempt to coerce him into giving back. The only time Hux protested something was after the fact, and Kylo quickly dropped his experimenting with locations, wanting to avoid any future instances of Hux mentioning their arrangement. It simply wasn’t spoken of. Ever.

Kylo was content with the way things turned out. Hux was easier to bear day-to-day, as the knowledge that he’d sooner or later give in and seek Kylo out gave Kylo a sense of smug satisfaction and made the man far easier to tolerate. Once or twice he considered using Hux’s weakness to his advantage, but there was clearly a time and a place for what they did, and he was sure that Hux hadn’t put himself in the position he was in without first having found a way to undermine and humiliate Kylo should he ever try to make a move against him. Whatever Hux might use against him, Kylo couldn't guess and didn't really care. Maybe it was nothing. There were better things to contemplate, and most of the time Hux’s desires were so completely shut away, everything about him held clearly in check, that Kylo could almost dismiss him as boring. Only almost, though. Annoyingly, as time went by Kylo found himself wondering when he’d next be summoned to the general’s quarters, or thinking about their last encounter. He didn’t try to be around Hux any more than usual, as Hux would always find him when he was ready, but Kylo found himself hoping for that unmistakable look Hux would always give him in invitation, need conspicuous in his gaze in the brief moment before he looked away quickly, submissive in the admission of his desire. Kylo kind of liked that look.

With far less scheming and strategising to do, Kylo realised that he was starting to spend far too much time thinking about how long it had been since he and Hux last fucked. Sometimes it was a few days, sometimes more than a week. It was always up to Hux when it happened, and until Hux sought him out wanting and waiting would get Kylo nowhere, so whenever he found his thoughts lingering too long on the other man he’d distract himself with training. It was far more preferable than wasting time thinking about idiotic things, or toying yet again with the newly forming idea of touching Hux directly the next time they fucked, or of using the Force or his hand to wrap around Hux’s cock and tease over his skin rather than just pin him in place. But Hux never gave any indication of wanting that, though, so Kylo never did it. It was a thought only. Instead, when they fucked he pushed his hands into Hux’s perfectly styled hair, pulling just that little bit more roughly than before, or pinned Hux down with his full weight, hands splayed across a still-clothed back as he crushed the air from Hux’s lungs both loving the way Hux felt and hating how much he wanted more.

Later, Kylo couldn’t quite quantify what ‘more’ meant, but his trips to the officers’ training room became more frequent. He was aware of the fact that this thing between them was becoming far too habitual, but if he looked at it objectively he found no reason to stop. If it were anyone else, Kylo wouldn’t be having second thoughts. He’d have no qualms fucking and leaving as he did with Hux. The fact that it was Hux should only make him feel better about what he did - it wasn’t as if Hux cared. There were no emotions there. Sure, one or two feelings might occasionally flicker across the surface of his mind, but nothing lingered long enough to permeate. Hux buttoned himself up so tightly his presence outwith his quarters was almost intolerable.

It was starting to piss Kylo off that Hux’s attitude towards him never changed, and that the general never sought him out for anything other than his own selfish gratification. It was always who Hux dictated when they met, not Kylo, so when Hux invited himself into his quarters for the first time, clearly seeking Kylo after he had spent the entire day avoiding the general, Kylo lashed out. He didn’t want Hux in his own personal space. It was his, and his alone. He didn’t care if Hux’s rooms were tainted with their unnatural coupling - he wanted his own to be free of any memory of Hux.

Above all else, though, Kylo hated being caught off-guard. He was barely dressed, and it left him feeling exposed. Already having slammed Hux face first against the door the second he'd stepped into the room, he proceeded to blindfold him, shutting off the lights to help himself forget where they were. He hated Hux for the intrusion and resented him for the fact that Kylo, despite the irritation burning in his blood, still wanted him. He hated the weakness he showed in not pushing Hux out of where he didn’t belong, and decided that the only logical step was to make it abundantly clear that Hux wasn’t welcome there again. So Kylo fucked him anyway, using his power to make his dominance absolute. Without the mask he almost always wore, Kylo could hold his mouth close to Hux’s neck, snarling at him as he considered the very tempting notion of biting the sensitive flesh there. It would be so easy to pierce the soft, delicate skin, or to grip too tightly with the Force and bruise or shatter a wrist. Hux had to know it, but the only awareness he showed was to gasp breathlessly when Kylo all but tore at his hair, yanking his head back sharply. Even in almost pitch darkness Kylo could half see the pale, vulnerable skin so close to his lips, and the urge to mark the body before him was overwhelming.

Kylo’s orgasm took him by surprise and he almost cried out as it crashed into him, gasping and fighting against it, as he thrust the final few times as deep and as hard into Hux as he could. He was still frustrated, and the thought of truly hurting the man pinned between himself and the wall returned full-force. Angrily, Kylo pulled away, breaking all contact, save where his fist tightly grasped Hux’s hair. Hitting out at the dimly illuminated control panel, he didn’t bother waiting for it to open fully before he cast Hux into the corridor beyond, furious over what had just happened. He turned and immediately stalked into his room towards the refresher, determined to rid every trace of Hux from his mind and body.

But even as he turned the water up to scalding and scrubbed furiously at his red, stinging skin, Kylo couldn’t shake the memory seared into his mind - that one horrible moment where he’d both seen and felt Hux, and had thought of him as beautiful.

-

The moment was soon forgotten. Kylo had been exhausted and frustrated at the time, and seeing Hux on the bridge the following evening reminded him that there was nothing beautiful about the General. He was as impassive as ever, evaluating files and replying mechanically as reports were given. Kylo had no business on the bridge other than to track down the simulator schedule which had been rerouted at Hux’s request, and the file was passed over without so much as a flicker of recognition. Playing along, Kylo inspected it, working out which simulator were free the following day so he wouldn’t be interrupted, and then handed the schedule back without saying a word. He had no idea what to do with someone who remained so completely unaffected by what they’d done, but didn’t bother wasting time staring at the General and trying to understand him. That would never happen.

-

Kylo was initially glad that the next few encounters were what he considered normal, and that Hux didn’t try to visit his quarters again, but he soon began to notice something distinctly off about the other man’s demeanour. It hadn’t started immediately after the last incident, or Kylo would have assumed it was related to that. Whatever it was, it started so slowly and subtly that Kylo wondered if he was imagine it. He couldn't quite pinpoint the trigger, and didn’t know how to explain it, other than to say that Hux’s control seemed to be slipping.

No one else noticed - why would they? They couldn’t feel the subtle disturbance around the general, and, to be honest, Kylo wasn’t sure Hux noticed at first. The first time it really bothered him was when he’d released Hux and the guy had just lain there, cum leaking down his thigh and staining his skin as he stared distantly at the wall for a good minute before moving. Kylo had hovered in the doorway, uncertain, until Hux snapped out of it, all at once returning to normal. Staying afterwards wasn’t a part of the deal, so that had been Kylo’s prompt to leave.

When he fucked the general over his desk during lunch and noticed the same not-quite-there quality radiating from the man, Kylo couldn’t understand it. He still left, wondering why it took Hux so long to put himself back in order and return to duty, but half an hour later Hux was himself again and it seemed pointless to waste time wondering what may or may not have been the matter. Kylo simply made a mental note not to bother responding to Hux’s invitations any time the man was supposed to be on duty, and then dismissed the issue altogether. It was Hux’s problem, not his.

Hux’s problem. Not his. That’s what he told himself when he felt Hux sitting there, unmoving, for almost an hour after they’d finished, as if he were an empty husk. It was strangely unnerving to feel the absence of what Kylo knew as intrinsically Hux, and although he could tell when Hux fell asleep, there was still something missing; something a little too distant and out of reach about the man.

Kylo avoided Hux the next day, aware of the still fragmented aura surrounding the general, and the fact that his presence would probably do nothing to help. It occurred to him that he perhaps hadn’t given enough of what Hux needed, but as he tried to focus on training, Kylo couldn’t guess what it was.

The next time they met, ten days later, Kylo tried something new. He’d avoided going anywhere near Hux’s neck during sex since that time in his own quarters, but tested the option now, letting the Force build gentle pressure against the pale skin, almost caressing it. At Hux’s hitched breath and the way his heart rate crescendoed, Kylo felt a small kick of pleasure. He could extend his awareness and feel Hux’s pulse, fragile beneath his will as the hold tightened, threatening to starve him of oxygen. He could feel the unrestrained bliss coursing through Hux as he was held completely in Kylo’s power.

He fingered Hux first, quickly moving from one finger to two, and then fucked him, his own enjoyment spiking and refusing to abate with each choked gasp Hux gave. Even before Kylo was close Hux was trembling, his body coursing with pleasure, and Kylo allowed himself feel it too, sharing sensations he couldn’t entirely understand. Hux was a contradiction beneath him, being both grounded by his touch and freed by it, and Kylo lost himself in the unparalleled beauty of the reactions Hux gave without any thought. Before he’d been somewhat aware of how Hux felt, but this time everything was so heightened it felt a part of him too. He didn’t even want to try and pull away, feeling less, because he could read exactly when to close in around Hux’s exquisite neck, how best to angle his thrusts, and just how hard he could press his fingers into Hux’s slender wrists, and he could feel each action pushing Hux further and further towards oblivion.

When Hux came, Kylo fucked him through it, barely able to take the way Hux gasped and shivered, weak beneath him. If Kylo weren’t holding him, Hux would have crumpled to the ground, and Kylo found his own strength nearly leaving him, his heartbeat far too wild in his chest as he climaxed and started spilling himself into the tight, hot body trembling in his hold. Only when he was done did Kylo pull out, lending his strength to Hux so that he could come to rest on the bed gracefully rather than collapse on the floor. The other man’s breathing was still far too rough, his emotions scattered, but Kylo trusted that they’d settle down soon enough. He was a little taken aback at just how intensely Hux had reacted to being choked, but it seemed like he’d needed that something more to push him towards what he sought, and that had been in.

Remembering think of him as beautiful, Kylo briefly wondered if Hux would mind a far more gentler caress against his neck, but it clearly wasn’t the time or the place, and nor was Kylo the person. Hux wasn't either. Kylo couldn't see him wanting to be gentled and caressed. Whatever Hux wanted, it wasn’t tenderness, and now, having got what he needed from Kylo, he would return to the same impenetrable fortress of a person he always was, and always would be.

That realisation was Kylo’s cue to leave.

-

Kylo couldn’t rest. For hours after leaving Hux’s quarters, he couldn’t settle. The turmoil was subtle, and had he not spent so much time focused on Hux it might not have bothered him as much, but the uneasy fact remained: Hux was distressed. It was an uncomfortable pain, like an incessant toothache that refused to fade, and Kylo couldn’t understand it. He felt the confusion, emptiness, despair and loneliness Hux was lost in, which only gave way to uncomfortable questions. Was it his fault? What had he done wrong? Everything had felt so right at the time, but now…

Irrationally, Kylo felt a fit of anger at Hux for not calling out to him. He could at least give Kylo a chance to fix whatever it was he’d done. Which, again, Kylo couldn’t understand. What had he missed? For a brief moment he panicked at the fleeting notion that he was responsible for the mental breakdown of one of the First Order’s highest ranking officers, but he quickly dismissed the concern. It wasn’t as if Hux hadn’t been out of sorts after they’d fucked before and he always came back to himself sooner rather than later.

It’s just that Hux had never felt this… broken... before.

Kylo didn’t know what else to do, other than lie there for hours replaying their encounter in vivid detail long after Hux had finally managed to drift into a clearly uneasy sleep. It had felt so right. Hux had reacted to everything Kylo had done so beautifully and openly that there wasn't a thing he could have misinterpreted. Kylo was confident enough in his own abilities to only doubt himself for the briefest of moments. No, that wasn’t it. He'd felt everything. Hux had wanted what Kylo gave him; he’d encouraged it and thrived on the attention, begging for more. Kylo couldn't understand how experiencing such intense pleasure could result in what Hux was going through now. Maybe Hux really was broken.

As he eventually started to fall into a fitful slumber, the only thing Kylo seemed to be able to come up with was that maybe there was a price to be paid for what they did. It was perhaps Hux’s weakness that finding something he enjoyed, and could let go of himself to, would cost him the pain and confusion he now felt. Kylo was quite sure Hux would never tell him if that was the case, but perhaps next time, if Kylo sought hard enough, he could work out how to ease what Hux was now going through.

Maybe Hux would even want him to stay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *points at chapter count* It didn't work out quite as I planned it. I'm sorry this isn't the final chapter.

There wasn’t a next time.

Kylo waited and waited for it, his patience and nerves wearing thin, but it never came. Hux never extended the invitation. Five times in the last month Kylo caught the unmistakable tang of desire around the general, but the feeling was heavily suppressed and fiercely guarded, the man at the centre of it almost as impassive as ever. Kylo couldn’t understand it. He could feel just how much Hux wanted the release Kylo could give him, but the general continued denying himself; denying them both, really, because Kylo wanted it too. He wanted Hux’s body beneath his own, and for the carefully held together man to break apart and gasp and cry out in his embrace.

For a time, Kylo worried that Hux had found comfort - if it could even be called that - elsewhere. For the better part of a week he suffered headaches as he extended himself too far for too long, trying to track Hux’s movements. He gained nothing from it, only a sense of the overwhelming tiredness that plagued Hux, which Hux steadfastly ignored as he did all other needs and desires that were surplus to basic requirement. Hux worked, not even letting meals inconvenience him. He ate compressed meals - the kind that provided all the nutrition an average being needed in a tasteless grey bar that Kylo always found difficult to swallow - and Kylo found himself struggling to deal with the details he was learning about Hux. The man shut himself off so tightly, and allowed himself only the very basic, most essential of things. He consumed just enough of what was needed to keep himself functioning, and able to do his job; nothing more. No extra hours of sleep, no indulging in warm showers, no snacks or flavoured drinks other than several cups of caf a day, no conversations broaching subjects unrelated to work and the efficiency of the First Order, and no pleasure of any sort.

As he observed Hux, Kylo witnessed, through a mixture of sensing feelings and thoughts, a moment he was sure he should look away from, but simply couldn’t. Deep into the night cycle, Hux sat wearily on the edge of his own bed, posture sagging after he’d divested himself of his uniform following a self-punishingly long shift. Wearing only his underthings, Hux had sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair in a way that soothed Kylo’s own aching scalp, and weakened, giving in to the basal desire which had been trying to claim him all day. Hux had a tendency to ignore his body when it wasn’t warning him of imminent danger, but tonight he let his hand slip lower, grasping at his already achingly hard cock through the thin cotton of his underthings. A whimper of relief escaped both their lips, and Kylo’s heart rate crescendoed as he realised that Hux was on the verge of letting go; of giving in to something he wanted, but didn’t need. So close…

Hux thought of Kylo. Kylo could feel the shift of thoughts and images in Hux’s mind as Hux started to stroke himself ever so lightly through the fabric of his underwear, and he yearned for Hux’s surrender almost as strongly as Hux did. He also found that, as Hux started to give in, his headache abated - or at least faded from his awareness - and when Hux’s free hand came up, finding its way to Hux’s pale, slender neck, Kylo burned with relief, feeling free of all the tension that had plagued him over the last few days. He could sense Hux’s excitement and arousal as fingers closed carefully around his neck, reminding him of Kylo’s touch. Hux ached with longing, a small noise escaping his lips, followed by a grateful sigh as he tightened his grip on himself. The hand teasing his cock paused, fingers finding and starting to push under the waistband, grazing over the hard, heated flesh.

And then, abruptly, it stopped. Hux stilled completely, freezing for a moment as a wave of emotional pain tore through him, and then he let go of himself. His hand fell limply from his throat, and fingers that had been about to tease his cock instead pinched painfully at sensitive flesh, harsh enough to causing his erection to flag. Hux gathered coldness to him, burying himself inside it as he tried to shut out what he’d just been about to do. It was clear he wouldn’t allow himself that kind of pleasure. Kylo could feel him berating himself for the weakness, chastising his failure to keep himself in check.

It felt so cold and lonely as Hux lay down, covering himself with the thin covers. He was clearly exhausted, and soon his awareness lulled into the familiar softness of sleep. Kylo couldn’t pull away for the longest time.

-

The first thing he did upon waking was reach out to Hux, headache be damned. He found that Hux had already risen and was somewhere in the command centre. Nothing seemed out of place. Kylo closed his own eyes, listening to the familiar feeling of Hux at work for a time, and allowed himself to relax. It wasn’t that Hux was in any way comforting to observe that way - he was too consumed by concern and constraint, too plagued by fatigue - but it made Kylo feel somehow better when he was aware of Hux and could tell for himself that, while he certainly wasn’t okay, the general wasn’t worse off than he had been before.

When he went onto the bridge himself a short while later, Hux ignored him. Whatever had crossed his mind last night had been firmly tampered down and sealed away tightly, and it was starting to get to Kylo. He wanted Hux to acknowledge him, and his own desires.

“General, I would have words with you,” Kylo ended up blurting out, unable to take it any longer when several minutes passed without so much as a glance in his direction.

Hux didn’t look up from the data panel he was viewing. “Not now, Ren,” was the only response he gave. It was accompanied by such a strong wave of mixed desire that Kylo wanted to grab Hux and drag him away, forcing him to confront what he wanted but continued to deny himself.

There was no way he could do that, though. The only thing Kylo could do was give a poorly thought out wave of anger, realising as he did that it won’t change a thing. The command crew might have been frightened by the display, but Hux would not follow. Kylo was left to storm his way down to the gym alone, frustration and something which felt oddly like loss needling him.

The gym, when he’d finished, was all but destroyed. The equipment couldn’t stand up to Kylo’s ferocious attacks, and had bent and shattered as he’d tried to vent frustration he couldn’t understand. The loss of Hux’s interest shouldn’t affect him so greatly; he could always find someone else to fuck. Only, he didn’t want to find someone else. He wanted Hux. He’d thought that their arrangement suited them both perfectly. He wanted that again - Hux beneath him, held tightly in his grasp as Kylo fucked him until Hux was boneless and pliant against him, freed from everything unimportant and filled only with the pleasure Kylo gave him. Kylo’s hands itched to wrap around Hux’s throat, and to feel the fluttering pulse beneath his fingers as he held Hux in his complete control. He longed to push Hux headlong into that place where all the general could do was react, honestly, to what he was feeling.

Training hadn’t helped. Meditating was the next step. That didn’t help either. Frustrated and desperate for something he was denied, Kylo took to storming about the ship, wishing for something to distract him. He couldn’t leave the issue alone. He kept reaching out, brushing against Hux’s consciousness to feel the man. Kylo didn’t understand why he did it - it only tormented him further to know that Hux wanted what Kylo could give, yet denied himself - denied them both.

-

The next step was logical, in Kylo’s mind. The first few times he and Hux had fucked, it had been after an argument. It had been so long since a verbal altercation had preceded sex that Kylo had assumed Hux didn’t care for that sort of thing. After having tried waiting, though, and approaching Hux directly with no result, Kylo was out of options. Hux hadn’t reacted when Kylo trashed the gym the first time, so he decided to make the second time more memorable. While Hux might approve a one-off replacement of equipment, he was, hopefully, unlikely to do it again.

Kylo’s guess was correct. He had barely finished taking the place apart with a mixture of the Force and his ‘saber, when Hux let himself into the ruined room. Kylo had opened his gambit for attention by picking a busy time, disrupting the other gym users and forcing them from the main training room so as to cause maximum impact. And it worked. Hux hadn’t needed to come in person and could have confronted Kylo later, but he chose to come.

The first thing that became apparent as the clearly incensed man entered the ruined room was that he was acutely aware of why Kylo was doing this. He was swamped with irritation and a sort of breathless excitement, as if he wasn’t quite able to believe what he was doing. The second the door was shut and Hux several paces into the room, Kylo reached out with the Force, grasping Hux’s neck in such a firm hold Hux gave a choked gasp, eyes widening in surprise and his body reacting involuntarily to the touch he had craved for so long and yet denied himself. The arousal was palpable, and Hux’s attempt to stifle it ineffectual.

“General,” Kylo purred. “So good of you to join me.” He moved towards the other man, the restriction around Hux’s throat easing enough to allow the other man to speak. Hux struggled to form words for several seconds, swallowing with difficulty as his dilated gaze flickered over Kylo’s form, before managing to push sound from his lips.

“Let me go.”

Kylo gave a dry laugh, the vocoder distorting it. “And why would I do that? This is exactly where you want to be.”

He could tell that Hux was struggling, but the only physical sign of the internal war was the way Hux held himself, tense and rigid. Despite being able to do so, Hux made no attempt to push Kylo away when Kylo very firmly invaded his personal space, standing not even an inch from him.

“Give in,” Kylo tried to encourage. “Why deny what you want so badly?”

“I want you to stop destroying my ship and disrupting my crew,” Hux bit out, his tone far from controlled. He was panting, his cheeks flushed and body wholeheartedly betraying him.

“That’s not what I meant,” Kylo said, his hand coming up to push into Hux’s hair, slowly tightening his fist to remind Hux what this was about. “Stop pretending. Just give in.”

“Unhand me.”

The command was weak, Hux’s body trembling. He had thoughtlessly tilted his head back just a fraction at Kylo’s touch, exposing his throat to the gentle, constant pressure of the Force. Kylo watched as Hux swallowed thickly, licking his lips as he tried to form words. He was so close to giving in, to submitting…

“You disgust me.”

The unexpected words stung, shocking Kylo. He stilled, unable to believe for a moment what he’d just felt in those trembling words. Hux, in that moment, truly meant it. It wasn’t just thoughtless noise: he’d dredged up every last ounce of resentment and flung it at Kylo in a desperate bid to stop what was happening - what Hux _wanted_ to happen.

“Let go of me.”

Kylo did. He stepped back, as if burnt. He’d thought Hux would surrender to what he wanted - what they _both_ wanted. To be met with such determined resistance when he was so close… It was a clear attempt to get Kylo to back off, but the calculated deliberacy of it jarred him, obscuring for a moment the true emotion which had driven Hux to say it.

“Wait!”

Kylo fumbled with his mask, struggling to tear it off as the general turned away. Hux might have spoken out of fear and desperation, but the thought of him truly despising Kylo was unsettling, even if Kylo knew it wasn’t true. The whole thing happened too fast for him to realise and remind himself that he really shouldn’t care about anything Hux thought or felt; in that moment, all he cared about was preventing Hux from walking away.

“Hux!”

The general stilled, almost visibly shaking. Kylo could sense his apprehension, and the strength it took to turn and look back towards him, and something fell into place. He felt something within himself sinking as he realised what must have happened. He thought he’d be able to sense it, both when it happened and afterwards. He was sure Hux must have dwelt on it. How had he missed it?

“I hurt you.”

Hux gave a dry, humourless laugh. “What makes you think that?”

“You…” Kylo faltered for a moment, resignation closing in around him. The pain wasn’t physical. “You don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Did it never occur to you that I don’t want to do it with _you_?”

Hux’s words were calculated to put distance between them, to push Kylo away. Kylo couldn’t quite understand why Hux was doing it. Even if Kylo had hurt him, Hux still wanted...

“You do, though,” he said softly. “You want me. You want this with me.”

Hux was silent, in turmoil. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing came to him. Kylo could sense it: Hux didn’t have the words to express what he was feeling, and Kylo could only guess at what the myriad of conflicting emotions playing across Hux’s thoughts meant. There was still overwhelming desire there, and despite Hux doing his best to fight it, the thought of being pinned against the nearest surface and fucked hard was so loud in Hux’s mind Kylo couldn’t help sensing it, his own thoughts and desires heating and becoming confused with what Hux wanted: hands tugging and pushing, mouths kissing and biting, bodies pressing and grinding together.

“Hux?”

Kylo tried taking a step forward, closing the distance which appeared between them. Hux visibly stiffened, and Kylo stopped.

“I won’t hurt you.”

The sincerity of his own words, and sudden, intense desire for something more than just a quick, gratifying fuck, stunned Kylo. He meant what he said. He wanted to be allowed to have this with Hux, whatever it was. It wasn’t just about controlling or dominating the general in order to feel good himself; he wanted Hux to feel good too.

The awkward, humourless laugh Hux gave in response to his words was cutting.

“You don’t hurt me,” Hux said, trying to keep his voice devoid of emotions and not quite succeeding. It trembled slightly as he continued. “You simply take and you take and you take until there’s nothing left.”

Kylo was momentarily stunned into silence, unable to understand what he was hearing. He’d always assumed Hux was okay with what they’d done, as nothing gave any indication to the contrary. Hux had sought him out, willingly, and Kylo was sure - so sure - that he was _giving_ ; he gave Hux the chance to let go, to relinquish all responsibilities and find that space where all he could do was react. Hux had never fought it. He’d been the one to come to Kylo. Every time they’d fucked, it had been at Hux’s convenience. Kylo may have enjoyed the power he had over the other man, but when he looked at their situation he knew that he was merely a tool. How had he taken? _What_ had he taken, which Hux was so unwilling to give now?

“I thought I was giving.”

Kylo’s own voice sounded far too fragile and defeated to his own ears. What Hux heard he couldn't imagine, but the derisive snort the general made left him feeling unbearably small and diminished.

“What could _you_ possibly give me?”

Kylo couldn't help noticing the small waver in Hux's icy tone. Already feeling belittled, he clung onto that small detail.

“You wanted… I gave you…”

“You gave me nothing,” Hux bit out, “which I couldn't get from a droid. At least those things can be programmed to show a little compassion.”

Kylo froze, unable to process what he'd just heard. Before he realised what was happening, Hux was turning away from him again.

“And don't you dare come after me.”

Those words kickstarted such an intense wave of fear Kylo couldn't suppress the involuntary reaction. He thoughtlessly reached out with the Force, holding Hux in place to prevent him from leaving.

“You could have asked!” He blurted out, instantly realising what he'd done and releasing Hux. His heart hammered too loudly in his chest, his breathing laboured; he was suddenly afraid that his action would have driven Hux further from him, which was the exact opposite of what he wanted. Why Hux wanted compassion Kylo couldn't understand, but he'd give it, whatever it meant.

“I'd give it,” Kylo said, his voice small. “If you asked, I'd give it.”

Hux seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if considering Kylo’s words, and then stood up more stiffly. Even though his own tumultuous, confusing feelings Kylo could sense Hux's desire to allow him in, but his far stronger determination not to.

“Our arrangement is no longer mutually beneficial. Do not approach me about it again.”

Kylo didn't reach out this time as Hux left. He didn't try to stop him because, other than restraining him, he didn't know how to make Hux stay. His words weren't enough, and his actions were inadequate.

For a long time Kylo stood there, staring at the long-closed door as he tried to work out why he felt such a sense of loss. Something he hadn't known he'd wanted was gone, and the thought of never holding Hux in his arms again was becoming increasingly unbearable. When had he started wanting that? What had happened within him to turn such a simple matter of convenience into something capable of wounding him? Kylo couldn’t understand. It was all too much. He feel as hollow as he'd left Hux the last time they'd been together.

He wouldn't reach out either.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 2 may or may not offer an optional resolution, because who _actually_ needs to be happy?
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on [tumblr](http://deluxekyluxtrashcan.tumblr.com/) (or just hit me, whatever. I'm desperate for any interaction at this point).


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